https://youtu.be/Y6J2tqiXENc

In my last blog, I wrote about your use of pauses, to allow your ideas to land when you speak & engage your listeners.

Today, I’m going to talk about the power of the surprising pause. Successful business speakers, like good actors, use the surprising pause strategically to command attention and add depth to their message. The element of surprise is a key factor in capturing and keeping your listeners’ attention when you speak for business. Pausing at meaningful and surprising moments can be helpful to you in three ways:

1.   It creates variety in your delivery:  A moment of unexpected silence provides the greatest contrast to a stream of words.

2.   It creates suspense:  It teases your listeners for a moment, making them want to hear more.

3.   It gives your listeners a window into your inner world:  Listeners want to know what is “going on” with the speaker underneath the words.  A surprising pause filled with meaning allows your listeners to observe a different quality in your expressiveness and gain additional perspectives.

In the video version of this blog, I demonstrate now just how effective a surprising pause can be. You may wish to view that now; simply click the thumbnail for the video.

If you prefer to continue reading:
I use the following sentence as an example of the use of the surprising pause. It’s a sentence about concept of supply and demand: an excerpt from a play called Other People’s Money, by Jerry Sterner; which was first produced Off Broadway and later made into a film with Richard Dreyfus.  Here is the sentence:
“One day, when the dollar is weaker or the yen stronger, or when we finally begin to rebuild the roads, the bridges, the infrastructure of our country, demand will skyrocket.”

Logical but predictable moments to pause would be after the words, “day, stronger, and country”.   A more interesting choice would be to add meaningful pauses after the words, “dollar, yen, and demand”.   The surprise and suspense created in those moments leads to a more compelling delivery.

As you rehearse your business talk, consider why and when you will pause. Take logical, meaningful pauses at moments when those pauses might be most surprising.

Make your delivery truly compelling —  and captivate your listeners!

https://youtu.be/RC9A14CsNmM

In today’s videoblog, I’ll share the third and final step in my three-part series called “How to Engage Your Listeners by Allowing Your Ideas to Land.”

In my last two videoblogs, I talked about the first two steps in this process: (1) Speak in complete thoughts and (2) pursue your point with energy and focus.

Today, I’ll share step three: Pause briefly after speaking a complete thought, to allow the idea to “land”.

Successful business speakers, like good actors, always consider pacing when they prepare to speak. The tempo of the spoken word has a strong impact on the listener and directly influences the way speakers are perceived. This raises the issue of pausing.

Even the smartest and best listeners need a moment to digest a complete thought. When you are speaking face-to face or on camera, your listeners need time to interpret meaning from a broad palette:  a palette that includes your visual as well as vocal delivery.  So, pauses are important.

A University of Michigan study revealed that speakers who never paused had the lowest success rate in getting listeners to do what they wanted them to do.  The great British actor, John Gielgud, famously said that, when acting Shakespeare, the pauses are the most important moments of the speech!    He knew that pauses can be captivating.

Help your business listeners receive the full impact of your message by giving them the gift of time. Pause briefly after each complete thought, to let it “land”. Don’t be in a rush to go on to your next idea. The pause will also give you time to get a reading on your listener’s understanding and engagement level. During the pause, breathe deeply and maintain good eye contact.

Without the pauses, your listeners may feel overwhelmed by an unmanageable amount of input. They may lose some of your meaning; they might even tune you out.

When you give your listeners time to process each thought, you are respecting their needs while you communicate your own conviction that your message is important.

Never underestimate the power of the pause!

https://youtu.be/i1N1BQxryVU

In today’s blog, I’ll write more about how to keep your listeners engaged by allowing your ideas to land when you speak.

Last time, I wrote about Step One in this process:   Speak in thought groups.  Today, I’ll write about Step Two: Pursue your point with energy and focus.  I’ll share some early advice given to me by one of my teachers:   the late Mira Rostova, (who for many years was coach to the great film actor, Montgomery Clift).

One of the most common mistakes speakers make is to put focus on (to stress) each word – or too many words — within a complete thought.   Speakers who do this are usually attempting to be clear, but the result is often a delivery that sounds unfocused, pedantic, or even condescending.   While every word that you speak “counts” and should be understood by the listener, take time to consider which of your words should receive focus and which should not.

Prepare with these three strategies:

1.  Review your notes and identify the focus word of each complete thought. Remember that the more words you stress, the more you lose focus and clarity — so be very discriminating as you choose your focus words.  Make word-stress choices in creative ways that add depth and an interesting perspective to your ideas.  This can add an element of surprise to your delivery, which is very engaging.

2. Underline the focus words of each complete thought.

3. Rehearse aloud, stressing only the focus words of each complete thought. Put your attention on your focus words.   Keep them at the forefront of your mind, and pursue them energetically as you speak.   My late teacher, Mira Rostova, used to  say, “Go for the point! Go for the point!”   Mira was talking about pursuing your point with focus and energy.  Rehearsing this way will help you drive your ideas and will prepare you for the third and final step in this process.

So, be sure to read my next blog:  Step Three for How To Engage Your Listeners by Allowing Your Ideas to Land When You Speak.

https://youtu.be/bRvNPjBGK0s

Successful speakers engage their listeners by pacing the message in a way that allows listeners to understand fully. The key is to allow your ideas to “land” when you speak. I recommend a technique based on one that I learned from my mentor, the Academy-Award-winning actress, Olympia Dukakis.

In today’s blog, I’ll present Step One:
Think in thought groups, instead of thinking in words. This will help your pacing to become organic, authentic, and compelling.

Research tells us that people don’t think in words. We think (and listen) in complete thoughts. Match the way you speak with the way your listeners listen! As you prepare to speak for business, focus on your thought groups by using these three strategies:

1. Review your notes and analyze your whole message. As you rehearse aloud, be conscious of the number of complete thoughts that you present in each sentence – probably one, two, or three complete thoughts in any given sentence.

2. Be mindful of the moments in your message when one complete thought ends and the next one is about to begin. These are your transition moments.

3. Here is a useful and fun technique adapted from the theater. My mentor, Olympia Dukakis, taught me a rehearsal technique that helps actors internalize the actions and emotions of each section of a play script. I have adapted Olympia’s technique for business speakers, so that you will become sensitized to your thought groups. Here is a good way to begin your rehearsal process:

1. Set out a few chairs, as you do in musical chairs, and begin by sitting in one of them.

2. As you rehearse aloud, move to a different chair each time you complete a thought. Speak each complete thought from a different chair.

3. Rehearse this way until your mind and body have internalized the moments when each complete thought has ended and the next one is about to begin.

This early rehearsal exercise will increase your awareness of your thought groups and will prepare you for Step 2 in this process (which I’ll be writing about soon).

Be sure to read my next blog and/or watch the videoblog: Step 2 for “Engaging Your Listeners: Allow Your Ideas to Land”.

May you be a successful speaker!

https://youtu.be/dDo238t9Ik0

One way to sound authoritative and enhance your credibility when you speak is to minimize your use of fillers:  those words that add no content.  Common fillers are “um”, “uh”, “so”, “well”, “like”, and “you know”.

Fillers often distract your listeners and decrease your ability to project confidence and authority.  Minimizing your use of fillers will help you enhance your image as an expert.

To minimize your use of fillers, rehearse this technique that actors use when they prepare to speak extemporaneously:

Set a timer for increasing time periods of time:  two minutes, five minutes, or seven minutes to start.  Record yourself as you speak in extended sentences on any business topic of your choice.  Choose a topic that you know well, something you enjoy speaking about (but not your elevator speech or a sales pitch).

As you speak into the recorder, imagine that each word that comes from your mouth is connected to the next one, which is connected to the next one, and so on.  Use the image of a long strand of pearls that are connected with no break.

Whenever you feel the urge to use a filler, do these three things:

1. Stop yourself
2. Pause
3. Say the filler silently to yourself

When the timer rings, play back the recording and monitor yourself for fillers.  Then repeat the exercise with different topics.

As you become comfortable with this exercise, increase the setting on the timer (five minutes, ten minutes, and fifteen minutes), until you can speak for twenty minutes straight, extemporaneously, on new topics:  without the use of fillers.

If you continue to rehearse this technique, you will find over time that you are reducing the number of fillers that you use.

You will sound more authoritative than you did in the past:  you will increase your credibility and your professional image when you speak.

At networking events, do you fail to project the image you desire? Do you find it difficult to turn networking conversations into relationships that lead to sales?

It may be because you are not speaking strategically to project a spirit of cooperation.

Here are some “Networking No-No’s” (behaviors that work against a spirit of cooperation):

• Doing most of the talking and/or interrupting your conversation partner: Instead, find out about the other person.  Ask questions, listen actively, and  respond with words and body language.  Mirror back to the speaker what you have understood him/her to say.  Let your conversation partner do most of the talking!

• Trying to sell your products/services: Instead, give before you get. Listen for ways that you can help your conversation partner. Offer introductions, suggestions, information, invitations, volunteering, advice, etc.  This increases the likelihood that your listener will want to collaborate and reciprocate!

• Being carelessly “broad”  in attempting humor with people you’ve just met: Instead, when using humor, stick to self-deprecating humor. Remember that individual sense of humor (influenced by culture and other complex factors) is a delicate and mysterious phenomenon. If you tell a joke or make a comment in jest that the listener doesn’t understand, misconstrues, or simply does not find funny, your attempt at humor may backfire. When you wish to use humor with a new acquaintance, poke fun at yourself. Most people will appreciate your humility and ability to take yourself lightly.

When networking, be a “smart talker” in the true sense of the word.  Project a spirit of cooperation and begin building relationships that lead to sales!

One of my clients (let’s call her “Jane”) recently asked my advice about how to communicate with a colleague who routinely speaks to her in a manner that Jane describes as “condescending”.  Jane said that “her blood boils” whenever they talk together during the course of the business week, because this colleague (whose position in the company is at the same managerial level as Jane’s) routinely projects an attitude of superiority.

Jane reports that after a few minutes of conversation with The Condescend-er, Jane often feels insulted and wants to end the dialogue.  Ending the conversation, in truth, would not serve Jane, because these two professionals have important business decisions to make together each week.

Jane’s dilemma is not uncommon.  Her task in this business situation is to put principles above personalities.  This means that Jane should place her focus on the priority (the business communication at hand), and not exhaust energy on her own feelings or judgments about her colleague’s communication style or personal attitudes.  The objective is to communicate effectively to achieve specific business goals, and this can best be accomplished when one is emotionally centered and free of insecurity, frustration, anger, and feelings of insult.

It is certainly important to acknowledge one’s own feelings when one perceives condescension in a conversation partner.  It is also useful to develop the ability to contain those feelings and set them aside, to achieve the larger business goal.  Most people are more skilled at this than they realize.  For example, a mother who sees her small child running into oncoming traffic would probably run into the street to grab the child and, in that instant, put aside any fears about her own personal safety: achieving the higher goal, the safety of the child, takes precedence.

While business conversations are less dramatic than this example, speakers who interact with Condescend-ers can choose actions (conversation behaviors) that support the larger business goal, rather than those that are based upon emotions.

Here are three tips that can help:

Do not allow The Condescend-er to lose face.
Most people who are condescending have a strong desire to prove that they are right and you are wrong.   Many of them are not interested in win-win situations, but interested in win-lose situations.  Of course, they want to appear to be the winners.  You can remain focused on your business message and take the higher ground:  find a communication style that allows The Condescend-er to feel that he/she is right.  If you believe that this person is wrong, and when you must assert facts, opinions, news, etc. that might contradict The Condescend-er, do it with words/phrases that add ideas rather than oppose ideas.  One simple strategy is to use the word “and” to add a contradictory idea, rather than using the word “but” (as people often do).

Use the acting technique:  “Act As If”.
The deep-seated motivation underneath most condescending speech/behavior is a desire to feel better about one’s self.  It is useful to remember that this behavior is often an indicator of low self-esteem.  Before your blood starts to boil with The Condescend-er, keep in mind that this person may actually be hurting inside, and use the actors’ technique:  “act as if”.  View your conversation partner in a manner that supports your goals.   View The Condescend-er as if he/she were a wounded person with a large bandage on his/her head.  Treat Condescend-ers as if they were extremely fragile (as, indeed they actually are).  Your “acting as if” (with complete commitment) will allow you to treat Condescend-ers with gentleness, kindness, and compassion.  This will reduce their defensiveness and help you feel strong, capable, and confident.  You will both be better able to focus on the greater good:  the business task at hand.  Act as if.

Remember that feelings are not always based on fact.
As you communicate with Condescend-ers, you may interpret their behavior to reflect the “fact” that they feel superior to you, and you may feel hurt, angry, insulted, etc.  It is useful to remember that when you perceive condescension in others, there is always the possibility that what you are perceiving as condescension is really something else —  and/or has nothing at all to do with you or how the person feels about you. I learned this lesson during my life on the professional stage.  During a singing performance one night, I happened to notice an acquaintance in the front row of the audience.  While I was singing, she was looking at me with a facial expression that (I thought) could only have been interpreted to mean that she was revolted and found my singing to be utterly objectionable.  I was quite hurt and resented her for a long time after that.  Ten years later, I happened to meet her by chance, and she spontaneously said, “Maria, ten years ago I came to hear you sing and it was very difficult for me.  As you were singing so beautifully, I was reminded of my childhood feelings of jealousy toward my sister, who sang so well.  I always felt inferior to her because she was so talented.”   We don’t always know the facts, do we?

Summary

When you see an expression on someone’s face or hear a tone of voice that disturbs you, it is useful to remember that your conversation partner may be responding to something that has nothing at all to do with you!  Condescend-ers are truly harmless.  You can focus on business goals in conversation with them by (1) using words/phrases strategically, (2) using the actors’ technique of acting as if, and (3) remembering that your feelings are not always based on facts.

In my last blog, I opened with two compelling statistics about the impact of non-verbal communication and addressed three behaviors that influence face-to-face interactions:  smiling, the head nod, and placing the fingers in front of one’s mouth while speaking.

Here are four additional aspects of body language (specifically, the use of your hands) related to general tendencies in perception within United States:

1. Helplessness and/or an urgency to be understood are communicated when you speak with your hands open at chest level and spread sideways with the palms up.
2. Speaking with the hand(s) up and palm(s) facing outward can communicate messages influenced by gender:  When a man does this, it sends a placating message; when a woman does it, the message is flirtatious.
3. Pointing with a finger (and especially with an object, such as a pen) sends a message of aggressiveness.
4. A subtext of disagreement is sent when your arms are crossed over your chest.

Here are some tips regarding your body language during business communication, whether you are speaking informally or giving a formal presentation:

• Keep your hands open and available for natural gestures; do not plan or rehearse gestures!
• A waist-level position for the hands (with palms relaxed and fingers slightly curved) is often appropriate.
• When gesturing, use both hands whenever possible.
• Put pens and pointers down when you are not using them.

Savvy business speakers think about non-verbal communication the way that actors do:  they remain conscious of the fact that listeners who can see you are watching you very carefully and interpreting meaning from every aspect of your body language.

As you speak for business, be mindful of any physical behaviors you exhibit that may be sending unintended messages, and make appropriate changes (even if it initially takes you out of your comfort zone).  The results will have a dramatic impact on your projection of confidence, warmth, and authority — as well as your ability to persuade.

A Harvard Business School study revealed that that 55% of the success of your business speaking is dependent upon your non-verbal communication.  A 2007 study by the American Optometric Association found that vision was the number one sense that people would not want to live without.  Dr. Vince Young, an opthamologist at Albert Einstein Medical Center in Philadelphia, says, “Americans tend to fear vision loss more than anything – more than memory loss or heart disease.”

Savvy business speakers, like actors, are always mindful of the fact that their face-to-face listeners are watching.  They are observing four basic non-verbal communication pathways, and one of these is your body language/gestures.

Messages communicated through body language vary according to culture.  Here are a few things to remember about general perception among people raised in the United States:

1. A smile is the most direct way to say, “I’m happy to be in your presence.”
2. The head nod is very important in communication and tells the communication partner “I understand” and/or “I agree”.  It elicits a positive response in the partner and is particularly effective for salespeople and anyone involved in business discussions or negotiations.
3. Raising your hand or fingers in front of your mouth during business discussions can communicate a withholding of information or reluctance to be completely forthcoming.

Remember that your face-to-face listeners are not just passively seeing: they are watching you carefully and interpreting meaning from every aspect of your body language.  As you speak for business,  maintain awareness of these three  aspects of your body language and gestures, and strive to make any physical adjustments necessary — even if it takes you out of your comfort zone.  The more you practice new behaviors, the more comfortable these behaviors will feel “on your body”.

And look for my next blog, which will provide information about three more aspects of body language/gestures — to help you project a positive and professional image when you speak for business.

So much business speaking today is ineffective because speakers unnecessarily fear being perceived as “phony”.

When business speaking is lifeless and boring, it is often because the speaker mistakenly believes that using a higher energy level is dependent upon his/her experiencing a certain emotion.  When these speakers don’t feel that emotion, they settle for a humdrum demeanor, play it safe, and avoid the kind of energy for speaking that truly engages the listener.

Business speakers should adopt the attitude that actors take: a specific feeling does not have to be present in order for you to behave a certain way.  Acting “as if” you feel or think a certain way is the surest way to project the qualities you choose (poise and passion, for example) and increase your persuasive power.   Stanislavski (the great Russian director and teacher) called this the “magic if”.

Shakespeare was advising the same thing when he wrote, “Assume a virtue if you have it not.”

Speakers shouldn’t wait for a feeling of happiness before smiling, for example.  With the act of smiling, they are acting as if they are happy.  (And behavior can certainly induce a feeling).  Actions and feelings go together; feelings are not subject to direct command, behavior is subject to direct command.  Therefore, behaving a certain way, whether one “feels” that way or not, is paramount.  Behavior is king, particularly when the business audience is watching.

Finally, a second quote from Stanislavsky has relevance for your business speaking:  “Show me what a person DOES, and I’ll show you who he/she IS”.

Who does your business audience perceive YOU to be?  Your speaking behavior holds the key.