When you’re in the middle of a challenging business conversation, and you’re certain that your tone of voice has been “above reproach”, what else can you do to increase harmony?

I recently talked with you about the importance of monitoring your tone of voice to increase harmony in challenging conversations.  Here are three more strategies to help guarantee your success: 

#1: Give positive reinforcement.

We often need to continue having business conversations with people whom we have already experienced to be difficult.  Be on the lookout for their positive behavior, and acknowledge it verbally.  Whenever you witness behavior that you would like to see repeated, you can say something like, “That’s one of the things I admire about you:  your ability to ___”.    Identify the positive behavior; praise it. 

#2:  Interrupt people tactfully when they are shouting, dominating a conversation or meeting, or complaining with increasing negativity. 

Calmly repeat the person’s name over and over again.  When the person stops speaking, state or restate your own intention in the conversation. 

#3:  Respond to criticism strategically.

Thank people when they criticize you.  When we defend ourselves, it often  appears to be an admission of guilt.  Instead, you can say something like,  “Thank you for telling me how you feel”, or “Thank you for being honest”, or just “Thank you.”   “Thank you” is a complete sentence! 

When you monitor your communication in these three ways, you’ll help bring out the best in people, increase harmony, and set the stage for greater success in challenging business conversations.

At networking events, do you fail to project the image you desire? Do you find it difficult to turn networking conversations into relationships that lead to sales?

It may be because you are not speaking strategically to project a spirit of cooperation.

Here are some “Networking No-No’s” (behaviors that work against a spirit of cooperation):

• Doing most of the talking and/or interrupting your conversation partner: Instead, find out about the other person.  Ask questions, listen actively, and  respond with words and body language.  Mirror back to the speaker what you have understood him/her to say.  Let your conversation partner do most of the talking!

• Trying to sell your products/services: Instead, give before you get. Listen for ways that you can help your conversation partner. Offer introductions, suggestions, information, invitations, volunteering, advice, etc.  This increases the likelihood that your listener will want to collaborate and reciprocate!

• Being carelessly “broad”  in attempting humor with people you’ve just met: Instead, when using humor, stick to self-deprecating humor. Remember that individual sense of humor (influenced by culture and other complex factors) is a delicate and mysterious phenomenon. If you tell a joke or make a comment in jest that the listener doesn’t understand, misconstrues, or simply does not find funny, your attempt at humor may backfire. When you wish to use humor with a new acquaintance, poke fun at yourself. Most people will appreciate your humility and ability to take yourself lightly.

When networking, be a “smart talker” in the true sense of the word.  Project a spirit of cooperation and begin building relationships that lead to sales!

Every person connected with the theater knows that an audience must become engaged with the action on stage as soon as possible, in order for that stage effort to be successful. The same is true for your business presentations. You can start by applying three simple strategies at the beginning of each talk.

1. Maintain good eye contact.

Eye contact means “eyeball to eyeball”:  not looking at foreheads, to the tops of heads, or looking in the general direction of individuals. Make eye contact with people within audience sections:   for example, focus on individuals on the left side of the audience, then the right, then the center – or in any order you choose.   Be sure to cover the whole audience territory and remember to include people seated in the back rows.   Depending upon the size of your audience/venue, it may be challenging to make eye contact with people who are furthest away from you, but seek out as many eyes as possible.   Contrary to common fears, maintaining good eye contact actually helps relax you as a speaker.   Seeing people’s eyes will remind you that the audience is, after all, made up of regular folks just like you, and that they do want you to succeed. They are usually hopeful and expectant; they want to believe that they have made a good choice by attending your presentation!

2. Use a conversational tone, vary your pace, and be sure that conviction and passion are visible on your body and audible in your voice.

Most listeners respond favorably when a speaker communicates gratitude and humility, and a conversational tone helps project these qualities in you. It lets your audience know that you are approaching them as an expert who is an equal, not as a professor or pontificator.  Speak as you would during a one-on-one conversation, with the slight adjustment of a heightened energy.   Take the attitude that you are pleased to be sharing an important secret with your audience; that you are speaking confidentially to each individual listener.  Vary your pace, to generate interest and convey enthusiasm.  Take time to allow you thoughts to “land”, and occasionally pause for dramatic effect.  Audiotape your rehearsals; when you play back the tape, take special note of the moments when you sounded most authentic, most conversational; moments when your voice and YOU were “one”; when your voice is the true YOU. Analyze what you were doing that caused that authentic sound, and strive to replicate that underlying behavior (rather than the sound).   Your sound in any given moment is the result of your intention and communication behavior.   You can achieve an authentic and effective sound by doing something; pursuing an appropriate objective.  The degree of conviction and passion in your voice and gestures is within your control. Gestures and body language should match the intensity of your voice, as well as your content.

3. Ask questions and ask for volunteers.

Involve your audience by asking questions and inviting individuals to come to the platform area to participate in simple tasks/exercises related to your topic.   When you pose questions to your audience, people invariably answer them, which immediately makes the responders a part of the presentation. Audiences enjoy this. Ask questions that you know they can answer, and be sure that everything you ask is directly related to the purpose/main idea of your talk.  For pure engagement and entertainment value, nothing beats demonstrations by your audience members.   Create simple tasks/exercises for individuals or pairs that will illustrate your points. Ask for volunteers from the audience to come to the platform area; if people seem shy at first and no one immediately volunteers, wait. WAIT.   Have the courage to tolerate silence or hesitation from the audience, and during the silence, make strong eye contact with a broad smile and open arms.   Avoid all temptation to recruit individuals; allow them to volunteer. (During the hundreds of presentation I have made in all industries, I have never faced a situation where we lacked volunteers.)   Audiences include those who enjoy receiving attention and will rise to the occasion!   Audience members who remain seated become immediately captivated: this is theater, the drama of watching a situation unfold in the here and now, where anything can happen.  It is compelling and irresistible because of its immediacy.

When you involve your audience early in your talk in these three ways, you set the stage for the audience to bond with you.   The sooner they bond with you, the stronger their connection with you will be.   This is true engagement.

While many people are quick to agree that being a good public speaker enhances one’s business life, fewer consider capitalizing on this skill when they possess it.  This is a mistake; the benefits of good public speaking skills are often underestimated and deserve greater attention.Being a good public speaker helps you persuade listeners to take actions you want them to take, makes you a valuable asset to any organization you are connected with, and is one of the best ways to generate business.There are few aspects of professional success that are more important than the power to persuade.  Whether you are trying to convince your executive vice president of HR to adopt your latest initiative, or you are a business owner trying to close a deal, skill in public speaking allows you to organize your message, deliver it with an effective style, and defend your position with poise.If you are a professional working in the corporate arena, skill in public speaking is one of the best ways to demonstrate that you are ready to become an active spokesperson for ideas and initiatives of interest to your organization; it makes you a key player.  When you make a dynamic impression by speaking on a given topic, you allow top executives to view you as someone with leadership qualities:  an “idea” person who has the ability to persuade.  So, find opportunities to speak within your organization:  at meetings, forums, and company events.  There is no better advertisement of your value or leadership qualities.If you are a business owner, using your skill at public speaker is one of the best ways to generate new business, because it positions you as an expert in your field.  When you begin your journey as a public speaker (whether or not you are paid to speak), “high profile” speaking opportunities need not be the goal.  What matters most is value and volume:  speak as often as you can, to generate interest and build a following.  Contact associations whose memberships may be interested in your topics, and offer to create seminars for them.  Provide valuable content, and over time people will seek you out for your expertise.Whatever your career objectives, you should view your skill as an excellent speaker as one of the best strategies to reach your professional goals.

In my last blog, I presented some visual strategies that will increase your persuasive power with upper management, no matter what department you work in, and no matter how little time your are given to make your case. I focused on how you can build belief visually. In today’s blog, I will offer a few tips for building belief with your voice.First, some background information. In his article for CLO Magazine, Kevin D. Wilde (VP and Chief Learning Officer at General Mills) suggests that, when you have just a few minutes to win over the CEO, it is crucial to make your message “executive crisp”. Although Wilde’s strategies are useful, they fail to address two key ingredients in the art of persuasive speaking: visual and vocal impact.My response is supported by the findings of a Harvard Business School study: only seven percent of the success of business speaking is based upon content. A full ninety-three percent of the impact that business speakers make is based on their visual and vocal impact: how they deliver their message to build belief within the listener.The vocal component of your presentation is crucial. Be sure that your vocal “performance” supports the value of your ideas:1. Vary your pace: when you begin, speak slowly; when you come to information that is less important, increase your pace; when you come to your most important points, pause and then slow down.2. Vary your pitch, and be sure to end your statements with a pitch glide downward (not upward, as we do when asking a question).3. Whenever possible, rehearse what you are going to say by glancing down briefly at note cards. Internalize your content; don’t memorize it. Pick a spot on the wall to direct your eyes during rehearsal, and never practice with a mirror (it will distract you from your message and from the audience you should have in your mind, and it will keep you focused on how you look — a poor strategy).No matter how many minutes upper management can spare, your best content will have persuasive power only when your visual and vocal performance convey your own conviction, poise, and passion.